My Heart’s on Fire

Something in my heart says this isn’t right
Causing me to worry day and night
You say that you love me
This I have heard
Don’t you know that actions speak louder than words
Second class, don’t give me no second class love

No Second Class by Buju Banton featuring Carol Gonzales, 1992

FNO | What Else I'm Listening To

2014/08/12 by CLO
Categories: What I'm Listening To | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Meal Plan for Whatever

Trying to reintroduce meal planning to my life since I’ve fallen into the black hole of gluten and no sleep. Hopefully this will also help me save money because I cannot keep eating $9 sushi from Dean & Deluca.

Friday, Aug 08
B/ Kale and eggs
L/ Grilled chicken and parsnips

Saturday, Aug 09
N/A in Philly

Sunday / Aug 10
N/A in Jackson

Monday, Aug 11
B/ Avocado and eggs
L/ Tuna patty and roasted artichoke
D/ –

Tuesday, Aug 12
B/ Baked Banana
L / Pork chop and broccoli
D/ –

Wednesday, Aug 13
B/ Avocado and eggs
L/ Chicken stir fry
D/ –

Thursday, Aug 14
B/ Kale and something
L/ Tuna patty and asparagus
D/ –

Friday, Aug 15
N/A

Saturday, Aug 16
N/A

No dinners since I’ll be working most nights, so I guess my lunches will be dinners. Zzz.

2014/08/07 by CLO
Categories: Eats/Drinks | Tags: , | Leave a comment

Cookie Monster

FNO | Cookie Monster

This killed me.

Vanilla ice cream dyed blue (duhhh… like Cookie Monster) with smashed oreos and soft baked chocolate chip cookies. I mean, can we give props to Gelotti’s for making this happen?

Gelotti (www.gelotti.com)
194 Bloomfield Ave.
Caldwell, NJ 07006

2014/08/06 by CLO
Categories: Eats/Drinks | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dinner with Lobstas

FNO | Dinner with Lobstas

FNO | Dinner with Lobstas

FNO | Dinner with Lobstas

FNO | Dinner with Lobstas

2014/07/23 by CLO
Categories: Eats/Drinks | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Impromptu

FNO | Impromptu

Photo by Jay Jung!

2014/07/17 by CLO
Categories: Randomness | Tags: , , , , , | Comments Off

Refreshing

In a few days I will be at a ridiculous age. I say ridiculous because in comparison to those in my life, I’m lagging hardcore. Without a husband, without a family, without a career, without a house. And while most women would say, “I chose to live this way” — I didn’t.

If we met 10 years ago and you asked me where I’d be in 2014, I probably would’ve replied to you… “Married to the love of my life, mother to three amazing kids, homeowner, with an amazing career.” And not that I no longer want those things but those things are just not options in my life.

Img Credit: Pinterest

It’s been slowly knocking me on the side of my head, how all the expectations I was taught to have and had actually grown to have were all shit that no one has control over. Maybe in another life, I would’ve been married, a mom, a homeowner, and a working girl. But this life is what I have now and I’m so done with how my old mind used to think.

Everything that I’ve grown accustomed to, everything that I’ve thunk, everything that I was a part of my routine… I’m done.

While everyone else is getting married, saving up money for engagement rings and houses, or having kids — I’m here. Still drinking and living my life to the best of my ability, working with what I can attain, and hoping to achieve more without a companion to back me up.

Not saying that others do not achieve what they want, doing all those other things… but they have a partner in crime and that is a blessed thing. Just not for everyone.

So it’s okay if I can’t relate because your kids are growing up and coming into their own. It’s okay if I can’t relate to how much you hate your job, because I am struggling at taking a major pay cut on income due to the choices I’ve made in a bout of desperation for money. It’s okay if I can’t relate to becoming pregnant or marital issues or even struggling to pay the bills on two incomes. It’s okay that the original path I was on, directed me to nothing but debt. Lesson learned.

No regrets but one. But today, I feel I’ll even have to let that one go because it’s irreplaceable and may never happen again.

Act with no expectation. Give me people with mouths meant for smiles. And thoughts that make me strive to be better at things. Give me refreshing conversations with other people that are creative and have just as many issues as me. Give me experiences surrounded by positive people who remind me not to be so down on myself and where I am in my life.

Get me off of that whole “gotta find a man to marry and take care of me” mindset because if the past years have taught me anything, it’s that I am really… and interestingly enough, FOR NO ONE. I crave things that can’t be given, I am impulsive but need detailed plans, I create chaos even though I hate it, and why yes, I would love another drink.

Expectations lead to disappointments. And the norm is to be expected, which in turn… is a huge let down. Especially since the days are growing shorter and life is still moving on.

I like me right now. I like trying not to have expectations. It’s easier to have no expectations with people that are new to me. I like having a part time job, that requires me to spend more than I make. I may not like it for long, but I like it now. I like drinking. I love wine. I like smoking. I like New York City. I like waking up in the morning and wondering what I’ll do today. I like that others can make assumptions on what they see and are completely wrong. I like that today, I don’t really give a fuck. And I like that I know I’m doing my best and that’s all that matters.

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2014/07/10 by CLO
Categories: Thoughts and Crap, Ventilation | Comments Off

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